If you are living with a depressed adolescent, there are several things you can do to assist them with their struggle.

1. Help Your Teen Hear Positive Messages: Teenagers with depression are often unable to distinguish between positive and negative behaviour and so they may hear a neutral message from their parent as a negative remark. 

If you are saying something positive to your depressed teen, it is a good idea to exaggerate the positive message to make sure your child actually registers your behaviour and words in the way they are intended.

2. Respond Thoughtfully to Your Teen’s Moods: Simple topics like bed times, homework or internet use can be challenging and affect an adolescent’s mood quite significantly. Even neutral behaviour directed at your child can be misconstrued. “For example, if you say something like ‘Can you set the table?’ and they come back aggressively with something like ‘Why are you telling me I’m lazy all the time!’, your natural reaction is going to be ‘I didn’t say that, don’t take it that way’.” Because of your teen’s mood and depression, that kind of follow up may be considered a further criticism.

Therefore, keep communication short,( under twenty minutes), simple and calm.

3. Set Boundaries: Although it is important to reduce levels of conflict, you still need to set clear rules. Parents can explain respectfully and calmly why a teenager is not allowed to do something, express empathy for their teen’s wishes, but remain firm about boundaries.

4. Be Flexible: and prepared to let the little things go.  In the above example about setting the table, a parent might decide to remain tolerant and understanding of their teen’s mental health and let some of their comments go, rather than using it as the time for a talk about being polite.

5.Be Non-Aggressive and Non-Critical: keep your cool at all times. No matter how aggressively your teenager speaks, you will achieve better long term outcomes for your teen and family if you are able to remain calm in spite of provocation.

Depression is an illness. Your teen needs empathy, help and support.

Do you give it?

When a teenager has depression, parents frequently want to know why it developed.

Professor Nick Allen, at the School of Psychological Sciences, The University of Melbourne, conducted research on young teenagers from ages 12 to 18 and looked at family communication styles prior to the development of depression symptoms.

Professor Allen identified patterns of adult and child communication that predict the likelihood of a teenager developing depression.

Families of depressed teens are more likely to have lower levels of positivity and warmth, and higher levels of conflict.

These two factors sound like they are the opposite of each other but they are independent elements of family dynamics.  So for example, a family may have a high degree of conflict but also a lot of warmth, or there may be a family that doesn’t have much of either.

The research is not intended to lay blame on families, but instead provide ideas for parents who want to support their children’s emotional well-being.

The following are elements that appear to raise the risk of a child developing depressive symptoms during adolescence:

• high levels of conflict in the family
• frequent criticism from parents
• low levels of warmth and positivity in the family environment
• ‘put downs’ from parents towards their children, and
• lower levels of positive interaction and warmth between parents and children.

If you are questioning the ‘chicken and the egg’ scenario: “does the family environment actually play a part in the risk of depression as opposed to just being a result of the stress that’s caused by the young person who’s having a mental health problem?” , Professor Allen believes his research is significant – because it indicates that teenagers with depression are more likely to have been living in families where the elements listed above were present prior to them developing depression.

What do you need to change at home?

Many parents and teachers miss the fact that a teen is depressed. They often view behaviours as typical adolescent angst or melodrama. However, depression occurs commonly and should be correctly diagnosed and treated.

“There is no question that depression affects teens more than younger children, in fact, it’s probably one of the most dramatic changes in the pattern of depression across a life span …  So this is one of the reasons why this is such an important period of life for understanding depression…  And for many people that don’t have problems with depression over their lifetime, adolescence is the first time it presents itself as a serious problem”. Professor Nick Allen, The School of Psychological Sciences , the University of Melbourne.

The numbers speak for themselves:

Around 160,000 Australians aged between 16 and 24 live with depression each year. Although alarming in size, the reality of this figure is illustrated by a recent study, indicating that 1 in 12 Australian adolescents self-harm.

The causes of adolescent depression were studied by Professor Allen. He acknowledges that genetics, family history and stressful events all “feed into the risk machine” for the development of depression.

However, Professor Allen  emphasises that “families are a very important part of the picture.”

This is helpful information because it means that parents can exert a positive influence on their teenager’s mental health and help their teens if they do become depressed.

Moving forward, it is vital that you look out for signs of depression in your child or student. Common signs are:

• Weight gain or loss
• Change in sleeping habits. The most common is sleeping all day and being up all night
• Loss of interest in appearance
• Lack of energy
• No enjoyment of daily life

Reading through the symptoms, you can see how easy it is to view these behaviours as typical teenager antics. However, there is a qualitative difference. If you are not sure, seek expert guidance.

Are you overlooking a depressed teen in your midst?

Yesterday, a client of mine told me he was faced with  a real moral dilemma. He had gone late night shopping and two scantily clad young girls approached him.

They asked him to buy them alcohol because they are underage. In Australia, you can legally buy alcohol at 18.

My client was not comfortable with this and asked them how old they were. They said 17 but on further questioning it turned out they were 13.

These girls  were also flirting in an outrageous and immature way with him. As a handsome, virile man of thirty he felt flattered.

He then pulled himself up and faced reality.These were minors, 17 years younger than him and clearly needing protection.

One can accuse the parents of being neglectful and we can criticise the girls for their behaviour. But he too had a role to play.

I am happy to report he demurred. Instead, he offered them a ride home which  they refused. He left feeling worried about them but also a bit freaked out.

In life, we are constantly faced with moral dilemmas. We have opportunities to do the right thing even if we may “lose”  apparent benefits.

What would you do in such a situation?

Richard Eckersely recently wrote  “A New Narrative of Young People’s Health and Well-being”. He says there is one story being told which is inflencing government decision making and is the widely accepted story:

Young people’s health is continuing to improve in line with historic trends. Death rates are low and falling, and most young people say they are healthy, happy and enjoying life. For most, social conditions and opportunities have got better. Health efforts need to focus on the minorities whose well-being is lagging behind, especially the disadvantaged and marginalised.

He believes that there is another very different story. It suggests young people’s health may be declining – in contrast to historic trends. Mortality rates understate the importance of non-fatal, chronic ill-health, and self-reported health and happiness do not give an accurate picture of well-being. Mental illness and obesity-related health problems and risks have increased. The trends are not confined to the disadvantaged. The causes stem from fundamental social and cultural changes of the past several decades.

Stories inform and define how governments and society as a whole address youth health issues. The usual narrative says interventions should target the minorities at risk. The new narrative argues that broader efforts to improve social conditions are also needed.

What are your thoughts?

Three quarters of lifetime psychiatric disorders will emerge in adolescence or early adulthood . The National Comorbidity Survey Replication recently reported that more than 22% of adolescents aged 13 to 18 yrs had already experienced a clinically significant mental health problem, with ages of onset ranging from 6 yrs for anxiety disorders, to 13 years for mood disorders.

Some research has been done looking at associations between diet quality and emotional and behavioural problems  and depression in adolescents. A study recently completed by Felicia N. Jacka et al highlights the importance of diet in adolescence and its potential role in modifying mental health over the life course.

Given that adequate nutrition is essential during periods of rapid physical development, and that the majority of mental health problems first manifest in adolescence and early adulthood, intervention studies are now urgently required to test the effectiveness of preventing the common mental disorders through dietary modification.

Moreover, the foods available and provided to adolescents need to be receiving much greater attention. Particular attention should now be paid to creating environments that promote healthy eating.  Ultimately it is up to parents and schools to support adolescents to maintain good nutrition during a difficult life stage.

Parents may need to improve their knowledge of healthy eating. They may also need to learn how to engage their teenage children so that they will eat for their benefit.

How involved are you with your teenagers and their meals?

Did you know that less than 50% of teenagers read one novel a month outside of school?

An online survey of over 18000 students between the ages of 8 and 17 was done in December 2010 and the results have just been released. The survey was done in the UK by The National Literacy Trust who reported these worrying numbers.

I have no doubt that the figures are similar in Australia and other Western nations. It is worrying because reading is an essential activity that stimulates concentration and fantasy. It enables a teenager to occupy himself in a constructive way and it keeps the mind “oiled” for studying.

As a parent it can be terribly difficult to motivate a teenager to read. It helps if you read regularly yourself and your teenager observes you reading.

It may also be useful if you make regular visits to the library together and find books that have been made into movies. You can watch the movie and read the book and then discuss the differences.

Have books of all types lying around your house. Comic books, joke books even magazines are acceptable – the important thing is that your teenager is reading.

Do not despair. If you create a culture in your home where reading is valued, there is a huge possibility that sooner or later your teenager will be inspired to read too. 

It was reported in the Daily Telegraph this week that children as young as 5 are taking knives to school. Some children use them for protection, some to threaten classmates and others to show off to their classmates. In one incident, a boy in kindergarten made holes in a peer’s bag when she refused to share her chocolate.  In another incident, a year 6 girl threatened her assistant principle with a Stanley knife. A DET spokesman was quoted as saying that:  ”We have the toughest knife laws in Australia and if a student has a weapon at school they’ll be suspended and the police called.”

These statistics are shocking and frightening to say the least. While it is comforting to know that the DET are taking this problem seriously, in my opinion it is up to parents to be proactive to stop this. If every parent made sure that her child did not carry a knife, that would prevent an incident happening. Every parent should teach their children that violence of any sort is unacceptable. This includes hitting, punching, biting and even screaming. However, zero tolerance is not enough. 

Children need to be shown alternative methods of resolving conflict so that when confilct arises they have skills. Skills include: learning to calm down rather than proceeding in a rage; saying in words what one wants;learning to find a win/win and valuing peace above victory.

I would love to hear your thought on this.

by Renee Mill, Clinical Psychologist - Originally published in HealthSmart, August 2010

Grrrrrrrrr! Is your child a Jekyll and Hyde – rude and argumentative with you, but charm personified with others? Clinical psychologist Renée Mill has tips to tame your teen.

Don’t be afraid:
Remember at all times that you are the parent: be decisive; be clear; be authoritative – even if you don’t feel it, eg. “I expect you to speak to me in a friendly manner and not to growl at me.” Have boundaries, and reinforce them if your teen disrespects them EG: “I cannot listen to you when you use that tone. Please start again and speak in a friendly manner.” Don’t give threats – you’ll lose credibility. Just state your expectations. Over time, your teenager will respect the setting of limits.

Repetition, repetition, repetition:
If you give up on your message, so will they. With repetition, you have every chance of success eventually. Each time your adolescent is disrespectful, restate your expectations. You can vary this. EG : “I cannot hear you,” “Respect, please,” or “Call me when you can talk appropriately.”

Be realistic and choose appropriate battles:
Most teenagers are messy. Either clean up after them or ignore the mess, but don’t waste time trying to make them clean. Save your energy for the big things, such as respect for you and themselves, or their work ethic.

Partner power:
If your partner is the other parent or carer, it’s vital you agree on values and expectations for your child. If you’re estranged from the other parent, still try to agree on these points – adolescents exploit vulnerabilities.

Walk the talk
Practice what you preach: if you smoke, don’t expect your children not to do the same.

See through the facade:
Most importantly, never stop loving your child. Over time, love and a deep connection will motivate even the most difficult adolescent to try to please you. So try to do things together, get in touch with your inner adolescent, and chill. You never know … you might even enjoy it!

Renee on ABC Radio

After this article appeared in HealthSmart the ABC Radio then contacted Renée to inquire further about this topic – you can listen to this interview below:

LISTEN TO RENEE ABC NATIONAL RADIO (AUSTRALIA) HERE

A common misconception about bullying at schools is that the bully is fat, ugly and very unhappy. In days gone by, victims were encouraged to pity the bully who must be acting  from a point of weakness and insecurity.

Research today dispels this myth. Not only are bullies not necessarily ugly or unhappy, they are frequently happy and popular. It seems that aggressive youths may be more leniently assessed by their parents, teachers and peers and therefore their popularity does not decrease as a result of their hostile behaviour.

One theory is that society tends to assign positive qualities to attractive people and negative ones to those who do not fit the beauty mould. Wendy Craig, professor of psychology at Queens University in Ontario says this may explain why visible minorities are at a higher  risk for bullying. She also recommends that “we need to look at the leaders in our schools and ensure that their way to power is positive”.

Practically speaking, this means that we need to realise that often the most powerful and popular kids are the bullies who misuse their personal power. As parents and educators we need to steer them so they use their enormous influence and power for the good.

One way is to encourage them to join groups like boy scouts  which teach leadership skill or community volunteer services which help others. We also need to be aware that the victims needs extra protection as they are having to face bullies with friends.

Obviously, bullying is a serious and complex issue but this study gives added information on what goes on in schools.

What is your experience with bullying? What do you think of this article?