Renee Mill Blog

It is mid-January and the new school term is fast approaching in the Southern Hemisphere. I am often asked for parenting plans on how to best prepare one’s child for the new school year.

Change always causes stress because it is the unknown and this is amplified in your child who is young and dependent. Here are some parenting tips:

1. Work on yourself first to be calm and confident that this is going to be a great year. If you have fears or doubts do not share them with your child. Rather unload on a friend or speak to a professional.
2. Do a small amount of research on the new situation, for example find out about the new school/ new subjects/ new expectations that will apply in 2010.
3. Set aside a quiet time to talk to you  child about the upcoming change. Explain that change  can cause stress but it is also exciting and interesting to move on in life. Then prepare your child for some of the changes in a matter- of-fact way. This will help your child go to school with some prior information and will help him feel calm and more secure.
4. Positive parenting means that you give guidelines to your child about  how to view life and every change provides an opportunity to do this. Reassure your child that you will be there for him every step of the way. At the same time, tell him you have every confidence that he has the skills to manage just fine.

Lots and lots of families have little child-raising hiccups that cause big headaches all round! The good news is that these little problems can often be fixed with little, easy solutions that can make a big difference to a family’s cohesiveness and happiness.

I have recently received a number of enquiries about my Become a Better Parent online course and want to share details of it for those interested.

This course is made up of six sections. The course is based on a wholistic approach to parenting – where all factors which may be contributing to your child’s challenging behaviour are taken into account. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s certainly been an exciting start to 2010 with news that a new study has found that “children who are smacked by parents often turn out more successful than those who have not.”

Yesterday I was interviewed by Herald Sun journalist, Cheryl Chrichley on the matter. You can view Cheryl’s article by clicking here.

This morning I was also interviewed on Channel 9′s Today Show (Click here to watch my interview on the Today Show). I was also interviewed on the subject by Channel 9 News for a story that will appear on tonight’s programme at 6pm.

Based on my clinical experience, I am sure many parents will be reassured by this finding on the benefits of smacking because nearly every parent I have ever spoken to has asked me my thoughts on smacking with the underlying motive to get reassurannce.

In my opinion, smacking should only be used when it fits the following criteria:

1. It is a short smart smack on the bum or hand.
2. It is one smack and does not escalate into several hits or a beating.
3. It hurts enough to “wake the child up” but does not inflict injury.
4. It is done close to the offending behaviour eg putting hand on a stove, pulling the hair of a sibling jumping on the bed. The child must associate the smack with a behaviour that needs to be stopped.
5. The parent is relatively calm and is using it as an educative technique and is not using it to get our her own frustrations.
6. It is used rarely, like a bitter medicine which when used appropriately is helpful but when used inappropriately does more harm than good. This means maybe once or twice in a child’s life.

Since it is diffiicult to meet all these criteria, and many parents frequently use physical punishment excessively and as a first resort, I do not unreservedly recommend smacking.

So, do I recommend it in any circumstances?

Only when a young child is about to do something dangerous like putting their hand on a stove. Then a sharp smack on the hand would be  a behavioural tool which associates  an unpleasant feeling with their action. OR when a parent has truthfully tried many methods to get a child to listen and believes that only the assertion of authority with physical force will work.

What is your experience of smacking? Please let me know by posting a comment here.