This week, journalist for the Herald Sun, Collier Kim called me to ask this question.
Kim was facing a challenge she believed was probably common amongst parents and worth building a story around.
She told me that with Christmas coming up, she wanted to buy toys for her children but wondered when enough was enough. She confessed that she bought toys all year round as well, often to reward her children for doing well at school or at sport. Kim said she found that sometimes buying a reward was the only way to get her children to do chores and, truth be told, she was blowing her budget.
Kim also felt pressured to buy what other parents were buying their kids and so was uncertain as to how to proceed.
My advice to Kim was to work within her budget thereby role-modelling for her children the ability to hold back and be measured.
It is my view that the ability to delay gratification is an important life skill and waiting for special occasions like Christmas and birthdays is a good thing. I explained that happiness in life does not derive from material objects but rather from being in good relationships, and having values to live up to. In other words, a smile or hug or special attention will bring more long-lasting satisfaction after success than a toy that will be discarded in a week. Moreover, teaching values like striving for excellence and orderliness will give her children an internal motivator (rather than the external motivation of a toy) and will get the results Kim desires.
Finally, when Kim goes against the social current and does what is good for her family, both her self-esteem and the self-esteem of her children will flourish because they will be acting from a sense of autonomy rather than following others mindlessly.
You can read the article by Kim in the Herald Sun here.
What do you think?
